Kiji's Bits

ID cards in the UK? I WILL NOT COMPLY

2005-07-02T14:49:00.000Z

My blog has re-awakened from its comatose state in order to highlight this very important issue, which I have to say, gets my blood boiling.

Biometric ID cards in the UK? This is the most preposterous, invasive and downright dangerous policy decision that our government has made in a very long time.

I don't know about you, but

I WILL NOT COMPLY

Please sign this pledge if you agree with me and thousands of other Brits

We must stop this abomination from coming into being. I, for one, will protest till my dying breath if necessary. This is an extreme infringement of our human rights and privacy, and constitutes the State interfering in our lives to an unacceptable extent. The goverment is supposed to work for us, not the other way around.

We already have many of our personal details stored in insecure and inept databases around the world (look at the recent news about people's bank details and passwords being leaked from a company in India, for god's sake), and have our private lives invaded at every turn by bastards trying to sell us stuff and CCTV everywhere we go - where will it end? Electronic tagging at birth? This was the stuff of science fiction not so long ago. How frightening that it has already become a reality.

ID cards will NOT prevent terrorism, identity fraud, crime, illegal immigration or anything else. If you think they will, you are deluded. How could they? If you think that it won't be possible to fake these cards, think again.

There are many reasons to feel apprehensive about these cards. Here's just one: Do you want your most personal details, including your DNA, stored in a database that's administered by incompetent government beaurocrats, and open to hackers? Just think of how woefully incompetent the Inland Revenue are - not to mention local authorities. Your personal information is not safe in the hands of these morons.

WAKE UP BRITAIN. REFUSE TO COMPLY.

Hello, Pussy?*

2004-11-14T13:44:00.000Z

BoreMe.com is a collection of videos, jokes and pictures that we've all seen before (but it's nice to have them all in one place, I suppose). One not to be missed is the bizarre Japanese music video featuring pretty young girls simulating sexual acts in time with the ridiculous music (with varying degrees of skill and motivation). Some of them look bored shitless! Find this in the Bore me Rigid (Adult) section (currently 4th on the list of 'latest'). I'd seen this before, but the version I saw previously was MUCH longer. Trouble is, I can't remember what it's called or where to find it. Any ideas? I know Cowki will know ;-)

Other things of note include the Windows Music thing, which is geeky but clever, and the airport practical joke thing, which always raises a smile (eg, "Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DaBahzted" which reads like "My colleague just farted and the left the room, the bastard").

I had a gander at the BoreMe shop and pissed myself with laughter at some of the items, so decided to order a few things for a mate's birthday, including a lighter and a couple of rude cards. I rang the shop today to check what was happening to my order. A friendly and very well-spoken lady on the other end of the phone said, "We've got the buy your own fucking lighter and when I grow up I want to be a crack whore, but unfortunately, we haven't got any happy birthday cunt".

Class.

* Pussy is the name of the boutique which supplies the BoreMe shop

John Peel OBE - A Fond Farewell

2004-11-12T23:43:00.000Z

Today saw the funeral of the legendary and inimitable John Peel. I am deeply saddened, as are thousands of others who grew up listening to his dulcet tones. The world has lost a very special human being. He will be sorely missed.

I marked the occasion by playing very very loud (and extremely varied!) music all day, and singing at the top of my voice. It was great. I'm sure John would have approved.

Here are some tributes from listeners.

The irreplaceable and much-loved John Peel

Bye John
Lots of love
-xXx-

Japanese Counting System

2004-11-05T16:53:00.000Z

In case you were wondering what the Japanese use for counting, instead of writing 4 lines with the fifth going across like a gate (aka 'chicken scratch marks'), then have a gander at this: Tadashii

(Courtesy of J-List - a much-frequented shop for all things Japanese)

Quote of the day:

I feel like a preserved moose"
Spinal Tap

Apple disables iTunes plug-in | Tech News on ZDNet

2004-11-01T17:43:00.000Z

Read about this here.

I, for one, will continue to avoid iTunes like the plague. It is totally infuriating to use and to be frank, sucks. If your machine decides to lose all your data, how are you supposed to get your songs off the iPod and back into iTunes? Exactly. Which is why I've been using ephPod for some time now. Ok, it crashes occasionally, but it's great for moving songs on and off the pod and editing tag info. Get real Apple - you're gonna lose customers through this (well, at least as far as iTunes is concerned).

Hallowed be thy rant

2004-10-31T23:51:00.000Z

Our efforts for Hallowe'en consisted of buying a pumpkin and carving it. No dressing up and no drunken debauchery :-( We were invited to a fancy dress piss-up at a friend's house, but unfortunately we were too knackered to go. How sad. As we were sitting there being pestered by relentless trick or treaters, I marvelled at how clever we had been to fix the doorbell earlier that day. I also realised that kids in this country have missed the point about 'trick or treating'. They're supposed to stand there and either get a 'trick' (eg, being squirted/drenched with water), or a 'treat' (usually sweets). The adults standing at the door get to choose which one the little 'darlings' get. Nowadays, you get the feeling you should give them at least a quid to stop them petrol bombing your house or putting dog shit through the letterbox. Nice.

Poor haiku attempt of the day:
Freaks in bad outfits
Halloween is somewhat naff
Unless you get pissed

Quote of the day:

No thanks - I don't use the horse"
Christopher Morris - Brass Eye

Vanishing post

2004-10-25T21:05:00.000Z

Well, that's weird. My last post has completely disappeared.

Can't remember what the quote of the day was, but the gist of the post was........

Had my hair cut and highlighted today at the usual place - Toni & Guy. It costs a bloody fortune to have the top stylist and top colourist, but once you're used to a certain lifestyle, it's hard to go back to a two-bob cut & blow dry at the local 'chav' salon. I learnt my lesson the hard way - you really do get what you pay for. Long ago, in a shit-hole of a town far, far away (in South East England), I was tired of having long, 'straight and boring' blonde hair, and decided to go for something a bit more 'styled'. Unfortunately, when the tarty young moron in the 'cheap-as-chips' local salon came at me with scissors and a face like a serial killer in a mosh pit, I had grave doubts about my decision. When she uttered the words "say goodbye to that bit of hair" and proceeded to hack at my lovely blonde locks like a crazed topiarist with epilepsy, I knew I had made a serious mistake. The result - an amazingly lop-sided cut that cost me a whopping £7 and all my remaining self-respect. Not an experience to be repeated.

Gender Dysphoria?

2004-10-16T02:48:00.000Z

Apparently, I'm a geezer....

(....not a geyser, unless I fill myself with hot water and push it out really hard so that it spouts into the air. Enduring image.) I found a site called THE GENDER GENIE, which can allegedly identify your gender from a piece of prose you've written. I pasted in three of my blog entries, and for each one of these the site said I was male. The algorithm they use is bizarre to say the least, although according to their stats they're more often than not correct. What a colossal waste of time!

Something else that's largely pointless, but slightly amusing (although it's way out of date now): Enter "weapons of mass destruction" into Google and then click "I feel lucky".

Looking for fun but feeling decidedly ungroovy

2004-10-15T18:53:00.000Z

Feeling a wee bit deflated today, since I found out that the work for my current client is due to cease at the end of next week. God knows what I'm going to do for money, as I've got buggar all lined up. Being self-employed can be a bitch sometimes, but the 9 to 5 humdrum is definitely worse. Have considered going on the game, but that's not really a viable option and my bf might have something to say about it.

On a lighter note, I've found something cutesy and Japanese that made me smile:
Shii's Song

And this is just mad (but very Japanese). The words 'anally' and 'retentive' spring to mind.
How to fold a shirt

Quote of the day:

It's like Dante meets Bosch in a crack lounge"
Christopher Morris - Brass Eye

Rood with a double 'o'

2004-09-15T18:51:00.000Z

Chav scum!
An exclusively British phenomenon where "people of the underclass" slap on designer sports gear, Burberry-like baseball caps and nasty gold jewellery, thinking that they're the mutt's nuts . In other words, people with no taste or fashion sense whatsoever. Check out the site of the same name, where you can send in your photos of unsuspecting chavs for other people to look at and laugh. How we British love to take the piss out of people (including ourselves). I wouldn't have it any other way ;)

Smeagol McChav

(NB: I have no idea where this picture came from, so can't credit it - sorry)

Quote of the day:

I thought you said he was a getaway driver.......what the FUCK can he get away from?"
Snatch

Wot no posts?

2004-09-12T01:29:00.000Z

Having spent far too much time geeking around with my blog template, I think I'm finally ready to stop faffing and leave it the hell alone. Shame it doesn't look quite right in Firefox (Mozilla) , but I checked their bug list earlier today and it looks as though they're in the process of sorting font/rendering problems out (along with a huge list of other bugs). Even with bugs, it still beats Internet Explorer (or 'Intershaft Exploiter', as some clever dick called it). Why not give it a go - click the link on the left and say goodbye (or words to that effect) to pop-up windows and annoying cookies.

I'd better get on with some proper work now - can't avoid it any longer. Which reminds me of a really good word.........

'ERGASOPHOBIA'
Fear of, or aversion to, work

Having said that, I would far rather work than do the following:

Watch Lost in Translation, which is an absolute abomination of a film, and rather insulting to the Japanese (I may get back to this subject in a later post)
Cut the grass in my back garden with scissors
Wash up
Play spin the bottle with Lily Savage and David Guest

Quote of the day:

You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity. Have you ever considered a career in the church?"
The Bishop of Bath & Wells - Blackadder II

Thought for the day

2004-09-09T15:18:00.000Z

Don't date a dwarf with learning difficulties...
...it's not big and it's not clever

Weevil Canevil

2004-09-07T16:57:00.000Z

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Tribute to Derek & Clive

2004-09-06T14:38:00.000Z

Jump You Fucker
A 'Hymn' performed by Dudley Moore

As I was walking down the street one day
I saw a house on fire
There was a man, shouting and screaming out of an upper storey window
To the crowd that was gathered there below
For he was sore afraid
Jump, you fucker, jump
Jump into this 'ere blanket wot we are 'olding
And you will be alright
He jumped, 'it the deck, broke 'is fucking neck
There was no blanket
Laugh, we nearly shat
We 'ave not laughed so much since grandma died
Or Auntie Mable caught her left tit in the mangle
We are miserable sinners
Filthy fuckers
Arrr'soles

Quotes of the Day

He tends to lie a bit low, you know. Well he, that's the way he lies, a bit low, which is the best way to lie I think, in my view"
Derek & Clive - Squatter and the Ant

You remember that - World War II? Absolutely ghastly business". "Well yes". "Absolutely ghastly business. I was completely against it". "Well, I think we all were". "Yes, well I wrote a letter".
Derek & Clive Live - The Frog and Peach

Drinking - An Idiot's Guide

2004-09-05T21:00:00.000Z

The Sensible Person's Blindingly Obvious Guide to Alcohol in the 21st Century (Incomplete and Abridged)
Please note: The following is not necessarily from personal experience ;-)

In order to avoid the obligatory (painful and cringe-worthy) post-mortems following a night on the lash (and/or legal action, and/or death), it is strongly advised that you DO NOT :-

Drive or operate machinery (i.e. switch on and attempt to steer anything that has an engine).

Get roaring drunk in the company of your parents, in-laws, boss or work colleagues (especially if dancing is involved).

Attempt to discuss serious matters or things that actually mean something to you, when steamin'. It will come out all wrong and you'll feel guilty as fuck.

Get pissed with friends (no matter how well they know you) when very, very tired. Extreme tiredness + copious amounts of booze = dangerous twisted bullshit (your brain wasn't 'with it' to start with, so imagine what corkers you're gonna come out with once you've had a few).

Get arse'oled on a first date (as vomiting in their lap might put them off)

Attempt to dance in a sexy way after several pints of the OWB - you think you look great, but in fact you look like a complete tit. Tip - if you can't walk in a straight line, what makes you think you can dance?

After an insane amount of alcohol, pick up some guy/girl and go back to their place to shag - chances are, you're gonna try to perform like a porn star to impress them, but you're likely to look ridiculous (Tip - if they're as drunk as you, you'll probably get away with it. However, something really embarrassing and/or disgusting could happen, e.g. puking whilst performing fellatio, farting whilst having cunnilingus performed on you, or falling asleep when your partner thinks he's giving you the best sex of your life.) Pause for hysterical laughter.

Try to impress someone with your astonishing intellect (if you can barely remember where you live, what makes you think that you've got the wherewithall to discuss world politics, the theory of relativity or metaphysics?)

Attempt to arm-wrestle someone who is considerably larger, and therefore stronger, than yourself. You will look like a prat.

Initiate a 'square go' with members of the local football hoolies' organisation. You will lose.

Divulge your most private sexual fantasies (especially to, or in the presence of, the person/s involved - this is an absolute no-no). However, one consequence of this is can be that you'll be 'cured' - as if speaking of it breaks the enigma.

Read when hammered (you can't focus, so don't even try - it'll probably make you puke).

Say things you don't mean and expect to get away with it, e.g. "I fuckin' loves you I do" when everyone knows you can't stand the fucker. People will just think you're shallow and full of shit.

Rely on the fact that people won't remember what you've said/done, because everyone was pissed (if you remember in dribs and drabs over the next day/week, so will they).

Keep repeating yourself - fuck me, you're dull (and you don't even know it).

Get upset, coz you're pissed as a fart and blowing everything out of proportion, and cry like a baby in public (and worst of all, in front of your mates). NEVER, under any circumstances do this. You could regret it for years to come.

Get totally smashed at a funeral and start loudly explaining your views about life after death (this will offend someone, if not everyone).

Hint that you're fantastic in bed so that all your mates want to sleep with you (or you think they do).

Start giggling in a ridiculous drunken girly fashion and ask your male friends how big their cocks are, and whether they're any good in the sack.

Decorate your living room whilst heavily under the influence. It will look as though Rolf Harris had a seizure whilst holding a paintbrush. It will look like shit.

Comments and/or additions welcome

Quote of the Day:

Shake hands with a walking continent of common sense"
Tommy Vance talking about Geoffrey Boycott, in 'Brass Eye'

Wanton wastage

2004-08-30T23:07:00.000Z

At about 10.45 pm, a bloke goes into a chip shop and says "got any chips left", to which the guy behind the counter replies "yeah, sure, loads". Blokey says "you shouldn't have cooked so many then, should you" and walks out.

Re: 'A Tale of Two Sisters'

2004-08-30T20:15:00.000Z

An Interpretation
(a LONG one at that - sorry - you're gonna need a pot of tea and a packet of hobnobs to get through this)
NB: All of 'reality' is an interpretation ;-)

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I have only seen this film once (last night) and have seen no write-ups, synopses or trailers whatsoever. Secondly, if you want to read reviews about the film, I daresay you'll find quite a few elsewhere on the net. This isn't a review, although on that front I would say that I thought the film was extremely engaging, creepy and emotive. Great stuff. Go see it. My apologies for the rambling nature of this piece - it's not very well put together and isn't necessarily in order of events in the film. I'll probably edit it later, to make it more coherent! All comments are most welcome :-)

At the start of the film we see a psychiatrist talking to Su-mi. He asks her "Who do you think you are". This is a clue for the rest of the film - the girl obviously has serious mental health problems and also suffers from multiple personality disorder. The so-called 'stepmother' did not exist as a stepmother - this was one of Su-mi's personalities (brought about partly by the fact that she felt overwhelming guilt and confusion about leaving her sister to die under the closet where she had found her mother hanging). However, Su-mi was already suffering from mental illness, before she found her mother and sister. The 'stepmother' was in fact an employee of the psychiatric hospital, possibly a psychiatric nurse. The reason she was in some of the family photos was probably because of Su-mi's long-standing illness, i.e. she most likely stayed in the home to supervise home visits or something. It's also quite possible that Su-mi’s mother suffered from mental illness and this is why she killed herself. I could go further and surmise that the mother had a suspicious mind and thought that her husband was having an affair with the psychiatric nurse (thereby planting the seed into Su-mi's mind that they would marry and she would become her evil stepmother. Su-mi may also have viewed it as this 'stepmother' woman had caused her mother to kill herself, so she transferred her guilty feelings onto this character and gave it life at that point).

This film is from the perspective of Su-mi (at the beginning, the psychiatrist asks her to describe the events of ‘that day’). The images of the 'stepmother' interacting with Su-yeon were all conducted in Su-mi's mind, rather than acted out physically. For example, the scene in which the 'stepmother' locks Su-yeon in the closet and then cuts to Su-mi lying asleep on the bed. She had 'dreamt' this scene (if it had actually happened, she would have heard the screaming). Su-mi’s dreams meld with her 'reality' as she is so confused and ill. She cannot differentiate between reality, dream states and her concocted personalities. These are so strong that she actually 'sees' these people and fully believes that they are there. Pieces of reality get intertwined in her imaginative world, eg, the blood in the bed, which was there because she had come on during the night. The fear that something, something which looks obviously dead, is 'coming to get her' (with long hair and neck hanging to one side - clue to mother), is a result of her overwhelming guilt. She cannot escape what she did, and it haunts her in various different ways. (NB: By this I do not mean ‘haunts’ as in what ghosts do! There are no ghosts in this film.)

The scene where the 'stepmother' gets in bed to wait for the father to come to bed; he gets into bed but you can see that there is absolutely no adult/sexual love there. He puts his arm around her in a fatherly way until she goes to sleep, and then goes downstairs to sleep. The poor man always looks utterly drained and confused, and at no point do you feel that he is married to this ‘stepmother’ woman – it appears to be a very strange relationship.

The father never interacts with Su-yeon – only Su-mi (or Su-mi acting as her ‘stepmother’). There’s a scene in which Su-mi asks him why he’s always asking her to understand – why her? (because she’s the only one there with her father).

At the dinner table near the beginning of the film, when Su-mi storms off, the 'stepmother' says to Su-yeon 'Aren't you going to follow your sister - you always follow your sister'. Again, this did not actually happen. Su-mi was still thinking of this scenario as she walked away, so this was all in her mind.

You often see the 'stepmother' experiencing the same 'frightening things' as Su-mi, because they are one-and-the-same person. The medication is also a clue.

When that couple come over for dinner, and the 'stepmother' (Su-mi) goes ‘off on one’, but the poor bloke says he can't remember any of it (because it's all made up by Su-mi). His partner had what appeared at first to be a choking fit, and then looked more like a seizure and later said she saw 'a girl' under the sink - what we saw her see in the film was the 'stepmother's' (Su-mi's) slippers, standing by the sink. It is possible that (a) Su-mi hid under the sink when this woman had her fit, but also (b) that it was just the three of them having dinner (father and the couple), and that Su-mi was hiding under the sink the whole time (so she concocted that mad laughing outburst, etc, in her mind). I think this is more likely. The bloke took ages to respond to her asking him if he remembered, and he could have been responding to something else - something the father said. Don’t forget - this film is all from the perspective of Su-mi's deranged mind.

The dragging the bloody sack around the house - we know from a later scene that the sack contained dolls. This was another bizarre 'acting out' by Su-mi, brought about by the fact that in some way she felt that she had killed her sister (by leaving her to die). So she was acting out the worst scenario of this belief - cutting her into pieces so she would fit into a sack, then beating the bloody remains*. The 'fight' that later ensued between her and the 'stepmother' was in fact just her throwing herself around the room. We see her stab her 'stepmother' in the hand with scissors, but the blood is on Su-mi's hand. Also, it was Su-mi who threw the statue on the floor and then got down to lie amongst the pieces. Think ‘Fight Club’ but with more substance.
*NB: You don’t actually see the first bit of this, which is just my guess, but how else would you have a body in a small sack with blood all over the place?

When the 'stepmother' comes in at the end of the film, this is the psychiatric nurse who the father had telephoned to come and pick up Su-mi, to take her back to the hospital. This is the scene where the 'stepmother' personality of Su-mi then becomes Su-mi again. Everything falls into place at this point!

At the end, when Su-mi has been committed and the 'stepmother' is sitting on the bed - this is also a concoction of Su-mi's mind (although it could have been the psychiatric nurse sitting there, since it was the hospital). Afterwards, the father drives home and the 'stepmother' appears to be with him. Again, this is not happening, but is what Su-mi imagines is happening (she's back in the funny farm and dreams/imagines what happens next as her father leaves). So all the stuff in one of the closing scenes about the ‘stepmother’ pulling the tag out from between the pillows in the closet is only occurring in Su-mi's mind. None of this actually happened.

I think I’ll go and see the film again, as it will no doubt clarify my thoughts!

Human Descent

2004-08-29T17:24:00.000Z

I'm always impressed by the things that some clever people can accomplish with Photoshop (or other image manipulation software - I don't mean to suggest that Photoshop is the only one of its kind out there!)

Check out the site - some of the abominations will have you laughing your arse off :-) Some are just plain silly and some aren't very well done, but most are very good. Here are a couple of my favourites.....

Used without the kind permission of www.humandescent.com

An oldyen but a goodyen

2004-08-16T01:23:00.000Z

Paddy and Mick are walking along the road when Paddy comes across a mirror lying on the pavement. He has a look in it and says to himself, "Feckin ell, oi'm shure oi recognise that fella there", but he just can't think who it is. "Hey Mick", he says, "Who the feck is this fella, oi'm shure oi know im". Mick has a look and says, "Ye feckin' eejut, it's me!"

Lionel Swears

2004-08-15T04:41:00.000Z

Check this out - it's the funniest thing I've seen in ages (if you don't find this funny there is something wrong with you):
http://www.celebrityswears.com

It's a little-known fact that years ago, my mum wrote to Jim'll Fix It to ask if he could fix it for her to learn to tap dance with Lionel Blair. Thankfully, the cigar-sucking old git didn't invite her onto the show - how embarrassing would that have been? (sorry mum). I remember being extremely jealous of this kid who had everything in his bedroom made remote control - even his curtains. How cool is that? That stuff was fairly hi-tech in those days. Man, I desperately wanted a Jim'll Fix It badge! It's one of my regrets in life........

Right, back to 'reality' (or my perception of it anyway, since reality is only an interpretation!)

Quote of the day:

Look at him; look at Jeff Wode"
Withnail & I

Nihon suki desu

2004-08-13T03:05:00.000Z

Konbanwa (^ ^)

I've just found someone else's blog. Being a 'Japanophile', I was really interested to read about his life in Japan, and to see his photos, which brought back memories of my trip last year (I went to celebrate, or should I say hide from, my 30th birthday in June. It was an amazing holiday and one that I'll never forget. God damn it - I want to go back there!)

I was inspired to post my photos of Japan on this blog, but will have to wait until I sort out some web space to link to. My advice is don't even try posting pictures using 'Hello' (the software they want you to use), as it's a huge pain in the arse ;-)

Quote of the day:

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd"
Blackadder II

Capitalism with cows

2004-08-12T18:51:00.000Z

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Author unknown

One from the vault

2004-08-11T04:08:00.000Z

and what charming underclothes you both have
but here, put these on
they'll make you feel less...
vulnerable

(^ ^)